By Alex: 005

"Sometimes body modification is just a way of telling yourself 'this is still my house, I paint the walls and I hang the art, because I’m the one who owns it.'" (coelasquid)

I think this is the best line I have read in long while - it pretty much sums up everything I have to say about hair cut/colour, makeup, piercings, clothes, tattoos, body shape, plastic surgery and food consumption.

Back the f**k off.

I consistantly frustrate myself by asking my husband/mum/friends their opinions on my physical appearance, and potential changes to it. What am I hoping to gain from asking my husband what colour hair he prefers on me?

Do I hope he says the colour that I also prefer on me (if I even know what that is) and therefore can rest easy knowing I nailed it? Do I hope he chooses a colour that I hate so that I can openly rebel against his oppressive-man-ways (that he doesn't even have and would therefore be a complete fiction of my mind) by getting the something different?

This is not me and the opinions of others should not define me in any way.

What do we hope to achieve by constantly searching for reassurance from external sources? I have come to the conclusion that it is a fruitless exercise which can only end in self-loathing.

One way or another we are all guilty of this. Call it shallow, call it narcissistic, or just call it low self-confidence. We all want to be told we are worthy and accepted, and often the easiest manifestation of this comes through our image.

It is immediate and ego-boosting to be told you look good, and the compliment trickles through our brains, gently reaffirming our life choices up to that point - your diet is so right for you! that piercing was a great choice! this dress really works on your body!

WELL DONE, YOU ARE TOTALLY WINNING AT LIFE!

But it is meaningless, isn't it?

I mean you could look fabulous and still have a crappy, unhappy life. Looking good certainly does not equal being good. Superficial greatness, however you are measuring that in your own context, can never replace actual life purpose and happiness. So why do we focus so much more on the aspect that is so much less important?

That question is why I love quotes like the one above. I love the idea of taking back control, of doing something that you want to do for no other reason than you want to do it. Forgetting about who else might like it or dislike it, forgetting about how many instagram or facebook likes it might win you. Just doing it.

There is a big difference between being considerate and responsible with somebody else's feelings and point of view, and actually living by their word and for their approval...especially when they are strangers on the internet. I find the latter is vacuous at best.

This ever-increasing culture of selfies and faux self-love can surely only be a harbinger of doom. It is unsustainable, and what makes it even more terrifying to me is the seeming total lack of awareness there is of it. People seem unwilling to believe that these things are not the key to success and happiness, and plug on regardless. It is understandable and I am guilty of it too, but lately I am really trying to be more mindful of it all.

It seems obvious that lasting happiness won't be found on social media or from superficial compliments, but that can be difficult to translate into every day life - esecially when it feels so good.

My answer? As long as nobody else is being hurt I think the emphasis should be on your own personal happiness.

Sometimes it is easier said than done, but just do you, for you. Just do whatever you want. Be happy and forget the rest, or at least try.