By Alex: 003

There is doing a job you hate or that doesn't chime well with your values/beliefs just for a quick buck, or maybe a big buck, and that is kind of understandable, or a least can be justified to yourself in the majority of cases. What, though, about the job that has slightly above mediocre pay but is mind-numbingly dull?

I feel like I am paying for my sins to be honest. Okay, so I was a bit frivolous with my finances until quite recently, and I may have had to be bailed out with credit cards a couple of times by my /mum/dad/husband-to-be - nothing insane, but enough to be embarrassing when it happens for the third time. I have always been like that, prioritising pretty things over more life-affecting things like food and bills since I can remember. As a result I am constantly flitting from mantras of 'oh we only live once so might as well enjoy it' to 'in order to actually enjoy my life I probably need a roof over my head and food on the table'.

This has all been compounded by studying (expensively) to MA level and yet never landing a job that reflects that in substance or salary. Bleurgh.

So when my husband and I moved out here to Qatar last year, it was the perfect time to properly reasses things. It would no longer be imperitive for me to be bringing in money anymore as, unlike in the UK, my husbands job would be enough and we had accomodation and utilities provided. A pretty sweet deal eh? Yes, and one I went headlong into, fully enjoying my time at home - volunteering, watching boxsets, cleaning, cooking, baking, thinking about what I actually want from life!

Unfortunately before I properly worked it out, I realised that I reeaallyy like buying stuff and it's kind of difficult to do that when you literally have no money of your own...as in not even a bank account in the country. I started to feel kind of stymied by it. Just needing to have a hereto unknown foresight in order to have cash available for a coffee, sort of kills the buzz of a spontaneous Starbucks.

So 6 months after leaving my job in the UK, I find myself in a scarily similar one in Doha. And by similar, I mean in an office, doing admin. This time though it is so much worse.

For one, when I sit in my office I might as well be in the UK...my colleagues are mostly western, the company is based in Scotland and I don't exactly have a stellar view of lovely Qatar from my window, what was the point in moving to a different country?

Secondly, this job is even farther from my original field of study or any subsequent direction changes I have made. It is essentially a career cul-de-sac, unless admin really is it. And I hope to god it isn't.

Thirdly, yes I have tax free income that is much more than my last job, yes I am making massive inroads into my debts, and yes I am now able to fund my magpie ways...but at what cost? I sound overly dramatic and spoilt, I know, but I really believe that some people just do not thrive in this kind of environment. Perhaps we could generalise and say 'creative' types? I don't know, but what I do know is that I feel more tired, I eat more and worse, I have a long commute of DANGER everyday (ah Qatar drivers) that is stressful, I have less time for relaxing or even exercising, and I feel like my brain is dying. Yep, dramatic.

But I guess penance must be paid. And I must admit, its feels pretty good to get rid of that nasty debt storm-cloud, or at least reduce it so that some sun can peek through.

I can also credit the job with giving me the push I needed to start this blog. Nothing like a bit of desperation to make you face your fears. Every cloud I guess.